Always On My Mind
by samanddianefan10
Summary: During a crisis, Roz confronts her feelings for Frasier. Set during Rooms with a view.


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I didn't take it very seriously. Niles had been acting squirrely all week. I thought he'd just been superstitious, with winning the fanny pack taking the cake. I'd encouraged him to see the dentist when he kept complaining about his tooth. How was I supposed to know that what was a seemingly simple toothache would set about a chain of events that would change the course of everyone's lives-forever?

I got the call that Niles had been taken to the hospital. Frasier called me, and he sounded frantic. Well, to most people you wouldn't have guessed that anything was wrong. But I know Frasier better than he knows himself. I would say that he's like a brother to me, but there's nothing I hate worse than a bad cliché. And besides that, you don't sleep with your brother. Uggh. Nothing ever came of it. We both agreed that it was a mistake, but truth be told I'm not so sorry that it happened. There were times that I wondered what it would be like to be with him. He is a very attractive man, and is a good catch. I don't' know why he's still single. He's good looking, he has a great sense of humor, and he has a great job, and has a killer apartment with an awesome view. Yes, he lives with his dad but that just proves his loyalty to family. I know he has issues with women but his brother's a psychiatrist too, he can work through them. He just hasn't found the right one, and I guess I would be a little sad when he does find her. I don't know what I would do without him.

And then there's Niles. My God, he's in the hospital fighting for his life. One minute we're trading insults like we always do and then the next minute…. I don't understand how this happened. We've gotten pretty close over the years but we started off on the wrong foot. He barely acknowledged that I existed. I thought he was pretty high and mighty for someone so uptight. He was stuck in a pretty bad marriage to someone I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. And then he found Daphne. I couldn't believe it when I found out that he was in love with her. I didn't think that she felt that way about him but she surprised us all when she ran off with him at her wedding to Donny. And they've been happy ever since. I've been a little jealous of how happy they are together. I wish someone would love me the way Niles loves Daphne. He puts her on a pedestal. But the cool part is she loves him right back. I felt so sorry for her knowing her husband's in the hospital. I wondered how she's holding up.

Soon everyone was gathered into Niles' room, where he was being prepped for surgery. He looked a little nervous and pretty pale. Frasier was driving everyone crazy with these newsletters he'd prepared, informing us of the steps of the surgery. We'd rather have just let the doctor explain things to us. But Frasier, being Frasier, felt better being in control and had to have the final word. He wound up getting kicked out by the doctor. I felt so sorry for him. I knew that on the inside he must have felt so helpless. He was a big shot doctor and yet he couldn't do a thing to help his brother. I couldn't imagine the pain he must have been feeling. We stepped out into the hallway where we talked about how we felt about each other. He and his father told me that they loved me, which I knew but it was wonderful hearing. I felt so close to the Crane family, especially Frasier. I just wanted to hold him.

We sat in the waiting room, where Daphne gave in to a burst of emotions. I comforted her. She decided to go for a walk. I don't know why but I had images of Frasier lying in that room. I don't know what I would do if I were to lose him. My world would go dark and unimaginably unbearable. He's my rock, my strength. Whenever I need a shoulder to cry on, he's there. Whenever I'm in pain and I think that I can't go on, he's there. Whenever my world has been turned upside down he's there. Whenever I'm happy and I have good news he's the first person I want to tell. I can fall into his arms without thinking twice. Thinking about him in those terms tears began to fall down my face. Suddenly I wanted nothing more than to be held by the man I'd grown to love. I looked for his broad shoulders and turned to him.

"Roz, what is the matter?" Frasier asked as he put his arms around me. God, he smelled good.

I couldn't speak for a minute.

"Roz? It's going to be okay. Niles will be fine, you'll see. He's in capable hands. It's a fairly common procedure and even though he'll have to watch his diet and he'll have to exercise, he'll be okay. He'll…"

"Frasier, I need to talk to you. In private." I said, looking over at Martin.

"Okay. Dad, we'll be right back. You have my cell phone number and my pager."

"I know, I know." Martin nodded.

When we reached outside, the words poured out like rain. "Oh Frasier, I love you. I know it's so cruel to do this to you at a time like this but I just keep thinking about what would happen if I lost you and I don't want to lose you. I love you. I can't help it. I know that we've talked about it. But you're my best friend, and well, you're more than my best friend. I don't know when it happened and I don't know how. But I have feelings for you and you don't have to answer me. I doubt that someone like you could ever fall for someone like me. But I just had to tell you because I don't want to lose you. I don't want to waste another minute of my life pretending to be someone that I'm not. All of this has taught me not to waste time. Life is short and I don't want to go on if there's a chance that you feel the same way." I looked up at him, and wiped away the tears from my eyes, hoping beyond hope that he wouldn't reject me.

"I see. And how long have you felt like this?"

"I don't know. Maybe I've always felt like this. I just didn't know how to put it into words until now. I think that I've always known that you were the one for me. I know that I've never been happy when I see you with your other girlfriends. Maybe I shouldn't tell you that. But it's true. I never knew why until now. Maybe it's not fair to you and you don't have to answer me now but it's true. I really love you. Do you think that there's part of you that loves me too?" I closed my eyes, praying that my dreams would come true.

He put his hand on my chin and tilted it up. "Open your eyes."

I complied.

"Roz, of course I love you. I just thought, well, I've seen you with all of those men and I never dreamt that you felt this way about me. I love you. I love your mind, your wit, the way you carry yourself, your beauty, your vulnerability even though you try to hide it. I love it that you can be yourself with me. I love it that you are my best friend. And friendship is the cornerstone of any relationship. I've dreamt of this day for a long time." He smiled at me.

"Really?"

"Really." Frasier reassured me.

"So what comes next."

"I believe this is when I kiss the girl."

And Frasier kissed me, passionately. We both lost ourselves in that kiss, needing each other, loving each other, and embracing each other. We were both more than friends. It was clear there was a reason he was always on my mind. I wasn't sure where we were headed but I sure was looking forward to the journey.

We returned to the waiting room, hand in hand, each a little stronger for it. No words were spoken, but none were needed to be said. I loved him enough to know that he needed me to be quiet and let him do the talking. Whatever he needed, I would be there for him. I wouldn't be too quiet for too long, that wasn't me and that wasn't what he needed from me. He needed me to be myself after all. But for one moment he needed to think and to process what was going on in that room according to his crazy calculations and I needed to let him think. All I could do was hold his hand and let him think. His brother would be fine, I knew it and he knew it, but Daphne didn't know it. And Martin didn't know it. It was time for us to unite as a couple to be strong for those around us and be brave and not fall apart. I could do it. I could do it for Frasier. He's counting on me. He doesn't have to ask. I'm in.

So I sat by Daphne and Martin and talked with them for a few minutes, talking about the weather or about coffee, Martin especially appreciated the conversation. Daphne broke down in tears and I held her in my arms. The doctor came out and told us it was a success and that Daphne could see him. Thank heavens. So I kept talking about football with Martin, even though Frasier was irritated with me know. But it kept Martin calm, which is what I wanted to do. So I got up and rubbed Frasier's back and laughed at his frustration and asked him about his timeline and if the schedule matched his timeline. Hey, I had to keep him happy too.

Frasier pulled me aside.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"I saw how you treated my family back there. You comforted Daphne and you kept company with my father. You were wonderful. Thank you." He hugged me.

"Well you don't have to thank me. They're my family too. I wanted to help. I don't want to see anything bad happen to anyone. I love you guys."

"I know. That's another reason…well I'm just going to go ahead and say it. That's another reason I love you." Frasier looked me in the eyes and looked so sad. These events had taken quite the toll on him.

"Oh Frasier. I love you."

I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him, and he pulled me close to him. The two remained close, until Martin interrupted.

"Come on, you two. I don't know what's going on over here but Niles is asking for us. Let's go."

Frasier smiled at me, and I knew that we would be okay. We might not have a chance to talk for a few days, but I knew that I would always be on his mind. And he, on mine. And that was good enough for me. It was time to get back to Niles and then let Frasier and my cards' fall where they might. Something told me I was on to something good. But it was time to focus on Niles. I glanced one more time at Frasier and then left to go to Niles'room. It was a night of many miracles. Niles would definitely be in my heart and in my prayers. And Frasier would be always on my mind.


End file.
